I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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