and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
