tell your sister to shave her snatch
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
