arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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