I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
