I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
