I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
