ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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