Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
