So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
