Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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