Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize