I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
