I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every concussion has its silver lining
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
