dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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