This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
