You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize