help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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