life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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