I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
