did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
