YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize