Umm I'm too high to move.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
