there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
