I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
