i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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