Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
