Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
