I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
