saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
