Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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