I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
