when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
