Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My life is pants optional.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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