Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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