the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
