either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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