I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
