We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
