Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
