that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize