I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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