Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
