you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize