Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
