Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I touched a dick in church today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize