just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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