Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize