i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
