All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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