Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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