If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize