I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
