2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
