Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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