The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize