We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
