belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
