Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
