Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
