What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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