Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
