think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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