At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
