How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
