Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
