she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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