I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
