walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
