Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
