shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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