went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We left the knife in your bed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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