is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
