It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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