I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
