2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
