end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
im on a boat
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