Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
