it was like his penis was on wheels.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
3 2 1 whiskey
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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