I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
