She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
