i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I believe in your delicious
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
