I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
