She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
