You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
