Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
