I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
