I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
