Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize