fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
