Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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