i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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