Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
